We live in a world where everything changes quickly. Gone are the days, when delays plagued communication. Most of it is instant. People want what they want and they want it now. But what happens when you fail to provide the instant gratification? What happens when you get caught in a cycle of falling of the bar set so high, that you lose your own way, or fail to regain confidence? What happens, when shame breeds silence, and silence leads to shunning your very essence?
Been there. There, and escaping. Shame is a powerfully sneaky thing. Lots of things can shame us, like our “friends” embarrassing us, or we have a blunder in public and we feel ashamed, or we feel the guilt and weight of recognizing the addictions we hold fast to like consuming our minds in porn, or seeing just how flawed our characters are, and there it is, the shame sets in.
Shame breeds silence. Have you ever experienced that? Where you promised you would not do something ever again, or you’d try harder and pass the test, you’d be better, stronger, more equipped, more, just more than you once were, and yet, you missed the mark, again. Shame sets in. The thing about shame though is if you’re not careful, it will let you fall into a deep, deafening silence. The kind of silence where no matter how hopeful things could be, all you can see is the failures and where you’ve fallen.
For a long time, I allowed myself to be caught in this cycle. I’d think, God here I am, again, messed up, yet again, with the same issue(s) I said I’ve let go off and will revisit no more. I can’t begin to explain to you the mental strain that caused, knowing I am back to square one, and worse, the guilt, the shame that would plague and tack to my thoughts: “see you’re no good, just a failure”, “I knew you wouldn’t last, you thought you were healed/good/saved/better, but you’re not!”, “God is through with you, you’re a lost cause”.
I’ve realized, sometimes on this Christian journey, our mental wellness is even more tantamount to our physical being. We can’t truly find Jesus in His purest forms, if our thoughts of His promises are clouded. We can’t begin to see how He could ever love us and care for us, individually and not just with the collective, when we believe the lies the enemy spews each time we fall. We seclude ourselves, and little by little we find it harder to pray, because we think He doesn’t want to hear from us the hypocrite who just sinned yet is here offering up a petition of prayer?
Heavy sigh. Can I encourage you, as I had to learn. The very fact that you see something is wrong with your actions, your words, your whatever and you are pleading with Him for change, is the very fact that He is still at work upon you. Remember, while the potter works and molds the clay, often time it forms something totally ugly and not fit for final display. So what does he do? Breaks it down and re-mold it and makes it new and worthy of a grand display. Point is, what feels now like a burial is simply a setup for His glory. Don’t lose hope, and don’t let shame keep you silent! Fight manfully onward, knowing that, if you desire Jesus to set you free, you will be truly free indeed.
Here’s the breaking shame, and telling silence to kick rocks. Everyday, utter something more for Him, and He will give you soon a full tune to sing.
Shae
